G.I. Joe: Retaliation

Cast of Characters:

Dashiell R. "Flint" Faireborn - D.J. Cotrona

Thomas "Storm Shadow" Arashikage - Byung-hun Lee

Jaye "Lady Jaye" Burnett - Adrianne Palicki

Snake Eyes - Ray Park

President of the United States - Jonathan Pryce

Firefly - Ray Stevenson

Conrad S. "Duke" Hauser - Channing Tatum

General Joseph Colton - Bruce Willis

Marvin F. "Roadblock" Hinton - Dwayne Johnson

Director - Jon M. Chu

Screenplay - Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of combat violence and martial arts action throughout, and for brief sensuality and language

      We all know of G.I. Joe whether it be the action figures, video games or the hit 80s cartoon series with its Public Safety catchphrase, "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!". In 2009, Paramount Pictures released a live-action, feature length film, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, which essentially was a gigantic CGI mess of a film with. Now in 2013, Paramount has released its sequel, G.I. Joe: Retaliation. Can it redeem the series?

      Sent by the President of the United States (Jonathan Pryce) on a mission to disarm Pakistan, the G.I. Joes, led by Duke (Channing Tatum) and Roadblock (Dwayne Johnson), along with Flint (D.J. Cotrona) and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki), are soon taken down by a military strike. What they thought was their mission ended up being a framing setup on them by Zartan, who has kidnapped the president and used Nanomite technology to visually impersonate him.

      Meanwhile, Storm Shadow (Byung-hun Lee) and Firefly (Ray Stevenson) travel to Germany to break free Cobra Commander from the penitentiary. While executing the planned escape, Storm Shadow is injured and retreats to the Himalayas where he meets Snake Eyes (Ray Park), who's on a mission of his own to capture Storm Shadow for the murder of his leader's uncle.

      Back home in the United States, Zartan has replaced the G.I. Joes with Cobra as the country's main protective force. It's up to the remaining Joes, along with the aid of General Joseph Colton (Bruce Willis) - for whom the Joes were named after - to stop Zartan and bring back order to the world.

      What the hell is going on? That's basically how I can sum up my reaction to this film in a few words or less. The story is convoluted and there's way too many characters and subplots for just one film. The direction is heavy handed and chaotic, and the performances are as bland as you could get. Maybe that's 'cause they all realize how absurd of a film this really is. I was hoping Channing Tatum wouldn't give another surprisingly solid supporting performance like he did earlier this year in Side Effects. He didn't disappoint. He rose to the occasion and proved he is capable of delivering a character that's as flat and one note as they come. Dwayne Johnson also gave a strong performance in Snitch earlier in the year. It wasn't Oscar worthy by any means, but it showed he had potential to go further with more performance driven movies. Here he's probably wondering just how many more films involving him walking away from an explosion in slow motion he's gonna have to do before he can finally be taken seriously. I really blame the studios for that. Johnson showed in Snitch that he's capable of a good performance that can lead to possibly greater performances in other films. Apparently the studio heads just wanna see him blow things up... and then walk away in slow motion. As for Bruce Willis, by the time he showed up in the film, I didn't really give a damn. You know what? I have a feeling as big as his paycheck was, Bruce didn't either.

      Yes, there are a few cleverly choreographed fight scenes, and the great character actor Jonathan Pryce has a some darkly funny villainous moments at times, but if you think just that can redeem a movie as a whole, you're dead wrong. There was a simplicity to the cartoon series that made it such a fun hit for kids. There's no simplicity to these films at all. How can you expect a kid - hell, anyone - to enjoy a film when it has no idea what's going on? Oh, yeah, that's right. Throw a bunch of gunfire, explosions, and BOOM, CRASH, POW, basically a light show on crack, and you'll have them hooked. I give G.I. Joe: Retaliation a D (★).