What the Hell Were They Thinking?!

      Hello, readers. Since the first week of October starts tomorrow, I'm gonna kick off horror theme tonight. The next five "Benjamin's Stash" and "What the Hell Were They Thinking?!" segments will focus on the best and worst in horror films respectively, leading up to the top 10 horror films of all-time at the end of the month. So, our first horror themed crap pick of the week is...

      Yeah, I ain't got the slightest clue. Dreamcatcher centers on a group of friends - Jonesy (Damian Lewis), Beaver (Jason Lee), Pete (Timothy Olyphant) and Henry (Thomas Jane) - on an annual hunting trip in Maine. Okay, that's about as simple as it gets and from there it just starts to get weird. So, apparently they all acquired telepathic powers as kids and back in the day they saved a retarded kid named "Duddits" (Donnie Wahlberg) from some bullies. Present day, they're on this hunting trip and they pick up this drifter that's sick as a dog and he eventually shits out this worm like alien (I'm not making this up) which kills Earl Hickey and possesses Sgt. Nicholas Brody and the possession somehow makes him talk like some Cockney gent ('Ello, Guvna!). Next thing you know, Morgan Freeman (yes, it really is him... Academy Award winner Morgan Freeman... I'm serious) and a pre-coked out of his mind Tom Sizemore (at that point in his career, showing up in anything's not surprising) show up as the military and Freeman just wants to go ape shit, but Sizemore's like that token "good soldier" and he goes with the Punisher to get Marky Mark's brother 'cause I guess he's the key to saving the world. I don't know. Just watch the film and see if you can figure out that mess better than I could.

      There is absolutely only one reason to watch this dreck: witnessing so many high profile celebrities attempt career suicide. What's so amazing is that all the actors take this story, which is so ludicrous you have to see for yourself just how crazy it is - so seriously. There's gotta be special feature outtakes on the DVD that actually run longer than the film's 136 minute running time 'cause there's no way anyone could take this as seriously as they do here. It truly is a marvel to watch, and that little clip I showed you barely scratches the surface. I haven't gotten to the nonsensical plot, the cheesy special effects (yeah, we've come a long way since 2003, but the effects here make 1933's King Kong look like Inception) and the fact that this was written and directed by Lawrence Kasdan and co-written by William Goldman. Lawrence Kasdan and William Goldman... LAWRENCE KASDAN AND WILLIAM GOLDMAN!!!! Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Empire Strikes Back, The Big Chill, Body Heat, The Accidental Tourist, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Marathon Man, All the President's Men, The Princess Bride - those are just to name a few of the flicks they gave us. What the hell did they see in this? I've come to expect crap like this from Stephen King at this point, but two of the best film writers of the past 30-40 years? Did they get together and were like, "Dude, Lawrence, you're not gonna believe this. I just read Stephen King's new book... Oh my God, we gotta make this into a movie!" "Really, William, is it that good?" "Oh, yeah... Get this. The alien... One of the characters shits it out!" "... Get... the... fuck... out!!" "No, I won't. I won't get out. We're so doing this!" "Damn straight we are - oh, oh, oh! Wait! What about this?! I'm brainstorming! Hot damn! My mind's percolating! What if we gave the villain a Cockney accent?" "... Whoa... That is bitchin' awesome." "I know, right?" "It makes absolutely no sense, but hey, I'm so fucking baked right now, I'll agree to any idea you throw at me." "Hey, you think we should get one of the Wahlberg brothers?" "I was just gonna ask you the same thing... but get Donnie, Mark's career's going nowhere. I mean, did you see that Planet of the Apes remake?" "... Uh - yeah. I angrily demanded my money back. I'm not joking. I really did. I made the girl at the ticket counter cry, but I was furious. Maybe I shouldn't have threatened her though." "No, I don't blame you. I would've too. Good thing we won't have that problem, 'cause this story is gold. The plot's still a bit fuzzy, but the more pot I smoke, the more it starts to make more and more sense." Yeah, something like that. Luckily most everyone's been able to bounce back. Morgan Freeman's obviously Morgan Freeman. Jason Lee went on to do My Name Is Earl. Timothy Olyphant's doing Justified on FX. Damian Lewis has recently won both an Emmy and Golden Globe award for his work on Showtime's Homeland, and Thomas Jane... okay, not everyone. Don't even bother following the plot. I tried to when I saw it in theaters back in 2003, which almost caused me to blackout. Just sit back and watch the destruction unfold before your eyes.

Rush

Cast of Characters:

James Hunt - Chris Hemsworth

Niki Lauda - Daniel Bruhl

Suzy Miller - Olivia Wilde

Marlene Knaus - Alexandra Maria Lara

Clay Regazzoni - Pierfrancesco Favino

Director - Ron Howard

Screenplay - Peter Morgan

Rated R for sexual content, nudity, language, some disturbing images and brief drug use

      Chris Hemsworth, Daniel Bruhl and Olivia Wilde star in Academy Award winning director Ron Howard's Rush, based on the true story of Formula One race car drivers James Hunt and Niki Lauda... not the legendary rock trio from Canada.

      In 1970, James Hunt (Chris Hemsworth) and Niki Lauda (Daniel Bruhl) are race car drivers in the Formula Three circuit. Hunt is young, brash, a ladies man and a bit of a drinker too with a tendency to vomit before every race. Lauda is quite the opposite. He's cool, intelligent and focuses on precision to win a race. A fierce rivalry between them develops after Hunt wins a race Lauda feels he was cheated on. Soon, much to the displeasure of his father which leads to a falling out, Lauda takes out a loan and buys his way into the Formula One circuit. Hunt joins as well. Both get married - Hunt to supermodel Suzy Miller (Olivia Wilde) and Lauda to Marlene Knaus (Alexandra Maria Lara) - and it seems they are both well on their way to becoming stars in Formula One racing.

      However, in 1976, a year after winning his first F1 Championship, Lauda's race car malfunctions and crashes violently into an embankment. The crash, which caused the car burst into flames, left Lauda with third degree burns and toxic fumes in his lungs. Despite his horrific injuries, Lauda is determined to make a comeback in F1 racing, particularly after seeing his rival Hunt win the 1976 F1 Championship.

      Director Ron Howard has been hit or miss over the past ten years or so. For every A Beautiful Mind, Cinderella Man, and Frost/Nixon we got, we also would get a The Dilemma, The Da Vinci Code films, The Missing and How the Grinch Stole Christmas... Yes, he did in fact direct that last one. Forgot, didn't you? I'm sure Howard did too. That said, Rush is a welcome return to form for the Oscar winning director. The films presents the viewer with a rivalry that was nowhere near as publicized or marketed as the Magic Johnson/Larry Bird rivalry of the 80's, but in a way, Hunt and Lauda were similar to Johnson and Bird in that they were both gifted race car drivers (and yes, it does take skill to do so), yet had polar opposite personalities. Hunt was the partying showman and Lauda was all business. Both Chris Hemsworth and Daniel Bruhl deliver two strong lead performances. Hemsworth shows he is more than capable of putting down the hammer when he needs to (that's not to say I don't love what he brings to the Thor films) and Bruhl gives an award worthy performance that may not result in a nomination, but if I do hear his name mentioned amongst the Best Supporting Actor nominees, I won't be surprised. It's always a challenge playing someone that has endured life threatening injuries without grabbing the viewer's heartstrings and yanking the hell out of them, but Bruhl skips the tugging and just gives a genuinely moving and unforgettable performance. This was the first film I really got a chance to see Bruhl shine. He came out of nowhere for me (although I did go back and watch Inglourious Basterds to see which part he played) and I'm looking forward to what he does next. Olivia Wilde turns in some of her finest work to date as the wife of James Hunt who leaves him for Richard Burton, and Alexandra Maria Lara is equally strong as Lauda's wife. Peter Morgan's smartly written script wisely avoids most of the moving sports drama trappings. If there's anything that could easily wreck a film it's a good old fashioned Lucas or Cool Runnings moment (Yep... it's the dreaded slow build-up applause). Hans Zimmer's score, like always, livens up the film. There are some excellently filmed racing sequences (filmmakers behind Getaway, take note), and Ron Howard's smoothly paced direction reminds us once again why he's an Oscar winning director who has made a number of films worthy of top 10 status. The last few he's done have been anything but that.

      Do you have to be an F1 racing fan to love this movie? Definitely not. I'm not one, but this film still had my attention from beginning to end. It's always great to see a sports movie that's character first, sport second. Here we see what a true rivalry is all about, what in can do to those involved and that no matter how heated, competitive or fierce it can get, both parties realize they need the other to succeed. I give Rush an A- (★★★½).

REVIEWS COMING LATER NEXT WEEK...

What the Hell Were They Thinking?!

Benjamin's Stash: Video Pick of the Week

All Is Bright

Bad Milo!

Dracula 3D

Gravity

Runner, Runner

Don Jon

Cast of Characters:

Jon "Don Jon" Martello, Jr. - Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Barbara Sugarman - Scarlett Johansson

Esther - Julianne Moore

Bobby - Rob Brown

Angela Martello - Glenne Headly

Monica Martello - Brie Larson

Jon Martello, Sr. - Tony Danza

Director - Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Screenplay - Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Rated R for strong graphic sexual material and dialogue throughout, nudity, language and some drug use

      Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Scarlett Johansson, Rob Brown, Tony Danza and Academy Award nominee Julianne Moore star in Gordon-Levitt's writing and directorial debut Don Jon. We already know what Gordon-Levitt can do in front of the camera. Does he have what it takes to be behind the camera as well? Either way, it looks like this is the closest we're gonna get to an Angels in the Outfield reunion.

      Jon Martello, Jr. (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), affectionately known as "Don Jon" to his friends, lives a life of routine. By day, he drives a road rage riddled trip to church, goes through the motions of his weekly confession and then has dinner with his parents, Jon, Sr. (Tony Danzy) and Angela (Glenne Headly) and sister Monica (Brie Larson). By night, he goes to the bar with his friends, they scope out girls and rate them on a scale of one to ten (those are referred to as "Dimes"), he takes one home, bangs her brains out and since that doesn't seem to satisfy him, he gets up and wacks off to porn. Wash, rinse and repeat. Angry driving, church, confession, dinner, bar with friends, bang his weekly girl pick, then porn. Wash, rinse and repeat. Now if he can get any girl he wants at the bar, why is it he seems so unsatisfied? Well, his obsession with porn has given him unrealistic expectations with the women he gets in real life.

      Jon's routine is thrown into a tailspin the moment Barbara Sugerman enters his life (Scarlett Johansson). She's the busty, blonde bombshell - who's definitely a Dime - Jon meets at the bar. After tracking her down on Facebook, the two agree to have lunch together and it doesn't take long 'til romance begins to blossom. Despite the fact that Jon has his own "lofty" expectations created by his addiction to porn, he begins to see that Barbara has impossible to meet expectations of her own created from the number of sappy, bull shit chick flicks she immerses herself into. Seriously, if you're in a relationship with Scarlett Johansson and you aren't able to be sexually satisfied, dude - just... just come out of the closet already!

      Like I said, we already know Gordon-Levitt is a tremendously talented actor, one of the best young actors out there today. However, just 'cause you're good at acting doesn't mean you're guaranteed to be good as a filmmaker and vice versa. That said, I thoroughly enjoyed Gordon-Levitt in his filmmaking debut. It's well-written, honest, pulls no punches and is able to be raunchy without the needless gross-out gags that generally fill up movies of this subject matter. It's also thoughtful and moving without entering sappy, saccharine territory. Whether it's Don Jon sitting in the confessional booth for his weekly confession or sitting in front of his laptop for his daily slap fest, all the stylish directing touches Gordon-Levitt adds throughout the film are sure to entertain the viewer. The sounds and visuals used create a bit of a satirical fantasy world within the film, which is appropriate considering that Don Jon and Barbara seem to live in their own fantasy worlds when it comes to relationships. As for the cast, most everyone is spot on. Gordon-Levitt turns in another terrific lead performance as the title character. At first, he's the typical smug, narcissistic, greasy haired Jersey Guido, but over the course of the film we see a genuine transformation (brought to a head in a rather poignant moment during his weekly confession near the end) in him through his interaction with Scarlett Johansson and Julianne Moore's characters. Johansson gives a genuine performance that I feel is one of her best and that accent of hers is spot on without ever getting too "Ah my gaawd! It's a Jooorsey ting!" Julianne Moore is, as always, superb as the woman Jon meets at a night class that reminds Jon that he can never really reach the expectations he's looking for 'cause, like the porn he watches, it's not real. The more we found out about her character, the more we care. In fact, with the film running around only 90 minutes I would've been fine with 10 more minutes of getting to know her more. Tony Danza is the film's scene stealer as Gordon-Levitt's football obsessed dad who's life seems like it'd be a lot easier if he just had a DVR and it was so great to see Glenne Headly back onscreen again. If there was any beef that I had with the film, it was in the thinly written supporting characters. Jon's friends come off as over-the-top buffoons and the running gag with his sister is more than predictable. It's not a bad performance by the fine, young actress Brie Larson. It's just one that has a payoff you can definitely see coming.

      The film has its flaws, but I still enjoyed Don Jon. It's never easy balancing raunchy laughs with genuine heart, especially for a debut filmmaker, but Joseph Gordon-Levitt manages to pull it off. While not perfect, I could still tell he put a lot of hard work and effort into putting this together. There are plenty of laughs, and the way the plot moved from beginning to end kept me engaged and entertained. It's not quite like a filmmaking debut that Ben Affleck had, who swung for the fences and cleared the park with Gone Baby Gone, but Gordon-Levitt still showed here he has the potential to have a fulfilling career behind the camera like he's already enjoying in front of it. I give Don Jon a B+ (★★★½).

Top 10 Comedies of All-Time

      Hello, readers. Earlier this past summer, I did a five part series on the top 50 movies of all-time that - like my top 50 villains series before it - was fairly popular. So, deriving off the top 50 movies, I'm gonna branch out into different genres with the top 10 comedies of all-time. My top 50 movies had quite a few comedies on the list already, so to keep things fresh, they will not appear in this top 10. If it's in the top 50 greatest overall films list, it's legacy is already determined, so why rehash it? Plus, it gives me an opportunity to present some films that, while not cracking the top 50 greatest films, are definite contenders for greatest comedies. Well, enough talking, let's move on to this top 10 starting with...

10) Stripes (Columbia Pictures)

      1981 - You gotta wonder how many takes it took them to go through that routine and then nail it perfectly on camera. Bill Murray obviously shines in every scene he is in as the down on his luck John Winger who joins the Army as a last resort to do something fulfilling with his life. Harold Ramis (who co-wrote the screenplay) doesn't ever get enough credit for his work as a comic actor like he should here and it's one of those rare moments, next to Ghostbusters, where we see him in a role that's far more than just a cameo. Warren Oates is a perfect comic foil for Murray as Sergeant Hulka (Uncle Hulka?), and when isn't John Candy likeable? Murray, Ramis and Ivan Reitman together (star, writer and director respectively) showed they could make magic with the entertainingly low budget Meatballs back in 1979. Two years later, they only got better with Stripes. It's irreverent and sloppy, but a hell of a fun time and that's the fact, Jack!

9) Hot Fuzz (Rogue Pictures)

      2007 - You'll be seeing the British land a spot on this list a couple more times later on. After seeing, Shaun of the Dead, a part of me wondered if Edgar Wright (director/co-writer), Simon Pegg (star/co-writer) and Nick Frost (star) could top the zombie satire. They did just that with their hilarious and spot on satire of the buddy cop genre. The dialogue is sharp and witty, the comedy perfectly balances itself between dry and slapstick and Wright's direction is superb, putting together some excellently choreographed action sequences that are generally difficult to balance out in a comedy. Academy Award winner Jim Broadbent and Timothy Dalton are fantastic in their supporting roles, Academy Award winner Cate Blanchett, Bill Nighy, Martin Freeman and Steve Coogan pop up in some nice cameos, and it's great to see legendary British performers such as Edward Woodward (best known as Robert McCall in TV's The Equalizer) and Paul Freeman (Rene Belloq in Raiders of the Lost Ark) have fun with this material.

8) Groundhog Day (Columbia Pictures)

      1993 - You think I was kidding when I said Murray and Ramis could make magic together? Bill Murray is nothing short of amazing as Phil Connors, the self-centered TV meteorologist at the center of this film that is forced to repeat Groundhog Day again and again until he has a change of heart. He's a cynical son of a bitch at first but his transformation throughout the course of this film is no doubt what makes this movie so perfect. If it's not Murray's greatest performance then it's certainly his most versatile. Along with Murray, Harold Ramis delivers one of his strongest writing and directorial efforts and Andie MacDowell gives a terrific supporting turn. You could watch this film as many times as Connors has to repeat the same day over and over again, and it'll never get old.

7) National Lampoon's Vacation (Warner Bros.)

      1983 - "Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun!" Based on a true account of an ill-fated trip to Disneyland when writer John Hughes was a kid (one, looking back on my first trip to Cedar Point, I can relate to), National Lampoon's Vacation gave job security to both writer John Hughes and a young kid named Anthony Michael Hall. One of the best road trip comedies to ever grace the screen, this film featured the zany improvisation of Chevy Chase at its best. Throwing in some cameo appearances by John Candy, Eddie Bracken, Brian Doyle-Murray, Eugene Levy and Christie Brinkley, and a family reunion from hell sure to keep you laughing non-stop through its entirety doesn't hurt either.

6) A Christmas Story (Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer)

      1983 - If there isn't at least one moment you can relate to in this Christmas classic, then your childhood was lost. For me, slipping out an F-bomb in front of a parent? Yep. Mouth washed out with soap? Yep (to be fair, mine was gargling vinegar, but same purpose). As a kid, dreaming about that "grown up" moment where you get back at your parents (the hilarious "It was... soap poisoning." scene)? Yep. Desperately wanting a toy for Christmas so bad you could somehow never get? Yep. For a Christmas film, the humor gets surprisingly dark at times, but between Bob Clark's direction, Jean Shepherd's writing and the pitch perfect cast of Peter Billingsley, Darren McGavin and Academy Award nominee Melinda Dillon balance the darkly funny moments with the more lighthearted ones. Whether it's watching it on Christmas day or on a random week in April, this film will never wear out its welcome with me and the scene where Ralphie finally gets his big moment to speak to the mall Santa alone is worth the watch. By the way, for those who may be wondering I did get that desired toy (not a Red Rider, but those spiral wire bead roller coaster type toys you see at the doctor's office)... Close to 20 years later as a gag gift. 

5) A Fish Called Wanda (Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer)

      1988 - I gotta learn Italian. Kevin Kline earned every bit of his Best Supporting Actor Oscar win. Monty Python veteran Michael Palin gives an equally Oscar worthy supporting performance next to Kline that never comes off as caricature. John Cleese, another Monty Python veteran, kills two birds with one stone to perfection, giving a great lead performance and writing the film's intelligently funny script, which complements Charles Crichton's direction extremely well. When it comes to comic timing, John Cleese is an absolute master of it, and the scene involving Cleese and his wife where he's trying to explain himself out of a jam is the only proof you need. Plus, I don't know of any other movie in the history of film where witnessing dogs die is as funny as it is here.

4) The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (Paramount Pictures)

      1988 - Younger audiences probably remember Leslie Nielsen from horrible films like Superhero Movie and Stan Helsing, which he did just before his passing in 2010. That's a damn shame 'cause no one - and I mean no one - could deliver the most ludicrous dialogue with such a deadpan straight face better than Leslie Nielsen, and to me he'll always be remembered as Lt. Frank Drebin. His film Airplane! made my list of the top 50 movies of all-time and without that film's success, you wonder if Zucker and Co. would've made The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! Every joke written by the Zucker brothers, Jim Abrahams and Pat Proft hits the spot dead on. Nielsen and Priscilla Presley are perfect onscreen together, the supporting cast featuring Academy Award winner George Kennedy and a pre-murderous O. J. Simpson are great, and - hey, isn't that KAAAAAAHHHHN!!!! ? Also, trust me when I say that you'll never be able to watch a sex scene the same again after watching this film.

3) Planes, Trains and Automobies (Paramount Pictures)

      1987 - The late greats John Hughes and John Candy have both achieved much deserved critical and financial success prior to this film, but there's no question that Planes, Trains and Automobiles showcases Hughes's best turn as a writer/director and Candy's best performance. As Del Griffith, Candy proved once again, like he's done before, that he can be gut busting funny and the laughs are certainly never-ending. Never before has a played a character with as much heart as he does here though, and however annoying he is it first is gradually erased the more the story reveals to us about him. Pair him up with another comic icon in Steve Martin and you have the greatest road trip comedy in film. It's unfortunate that Candy finished his career with such a horrible film in Wagon's East. Thankfully, we have movies such as this one, among others, that remind us just how great of an actor he really was.

2) This Is Spinal Tap (Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer)

      1984 - First time I saw this I in no way saw that line at the end of the scene coming. One of director Rob Reiner's greatest films ever, This Is Spinal Tap set the standard for all mockumentary films to follow. Sharply written by the film's four stars, Christopher Guest (who's know stranger to great mockumentary films himself having filmed Waiting for Guffman, A Mighty Wind and Best in Show), Michael McKean, Rob Reiner and Harry Shearer, This Is Spinal Tap greatest achievement was that people actually believed Spinal Tap was an actual band when the film first came out. The fact that this film makes the idea of Spinal Tap that believable shows the genius of it and the filmmakers behind it.  Every satirical take on all things rock music, whether it's the band getting lost backstage on their way to the show, stage props going horribly wrong (if the Stonehenge bit doesn't get you to at least crack a smile, you have no pulse), no one showing up to an autograph signing or the infamous Jazz Odyssey show is nailed to perfection. Do you have to be a musician to get the humor? Absolutely not. In fact, you may end up enjoying it more. If you're a musician like me there's a good chance you end up taking everything that happens here to heart so much you just wind up crying.

      And here we are, the number one spot for this list. Drum roll, please...

1) Monty Python and the Holy Grail (EMI Films)
      1975 - "Tis but a flesh wound!" John Cleese, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, the late Graham Chapman, Terry Jones and Terry Gilliam: behold the six headed monster that is Monty Python. This film is as ridiculous as it gets, but what makes this such a classic from easily the greatest comedy troupe of all-time is that everyone involved is fully aware of just how ridiculous it is. From the moment we see the opening scene, hearing a horse's feet clopping only to realize it's coconuts being clapped while the knights pretend to ride their horses, it's full throttle with no intention from the gang to ever let their feet off the pedal. It's comical farce at its best and despite it's overwhelming ridiculousness, like all things Monty Python, there's a subtle brilliance to it. You'll quite possibly be wary of any nearby rabbits too after watching this.

      There you have it, the top 10 comedies of all-time. Feel free to let me know what some of your favorite comedies are. Agree or disagree. Movies are subjective and that's what makes them so much fun. Until next time, here's to great films!

Benjamin's Stash: Video Pick of the Week

      Hello, readers. This weekend marks the writing and directorial debut of Joseph Gordon-Levitt in Don Jon, of which he also stars. This week's recommended viewing will be devoted to a prior film of his and I decided to go with Beethoven, a must see. Yes, he was Student No. 1 in that film... Okay, let's try again and aim for something a little more substantial this time.

      See, texting's not the worst thing you can do while driving. In The Lookout, Chris Pratt (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) once had it all: pretty girlfriend, wealthy family and popularity from being a star on his high school hockey team. One accident would change everything for him. Four years later, Chris suffers from a form of short-term memory loss similar to anterograde amnesia.  He's taking classes at a special facility for those with disabilities and shares an apartment with his blind yet upbeat roommate Lewis (Jeff Daniels). Things seem to be on the up for Chris when he meets Gary Spargo (Matthew Goode), a former schoolmate of Chris's. Spargo welcomes Chris into his circle of friends and it's not long until Chris stumbles on Gary's plan to rob not just the local bank, but the bank where Chris works maintenance at. All the roles are assigned but one - the lookout. Who better to have as your lookout than one that works there and suffers from memory loss. Seems like the perfect plan, right?

      This is really the first movie I saw that made me go, "Hey, that Angels in the Outfield kid can really act." Granted, other great films of Gordon-Levitt's such as Brick, Mysterious Skin, and Manic came before The Lookout, but I didn't seem them 'til after this. This was screenwriter Scott Frank's directorial debut, having previously written Get Shorty, Out of Sight, and Minority Report. What a debut. The Lookout is moving, at times funny (courtesy of the always terrific Jeff Daniels), and intense. There's never a dull moment here. Most importantly Scott Frank gives us a central character we gradually find ourselves caring for without it being maudlin or emotionally manipulative. What could've been just another bland heist thriller ends up being a complex character study that still delivers the thrills. Frank's writing is sharp, his characters are richly written and his direction - for a first time director no less - is spot on (previously writing films for Steven Soderbergh and Steven Spielberg doesn't hurt your own chances though). Gordon-Levitt, Daniels, Isla Fisher and Matthew Goode (in an award level turn) all deliver the goods with their performances. It's small films like these that show you don't always have to go big to be engaging, and this film most certainly had me engaged from the opening shot to the very end.

What the Hell Were They Thinking?!

      Hello, readers. Today's pick is quite a good one and while it may not beat out The Room for so called "worst film ever made", it sure as hell put up a damn good fight for that top spot.

      Damn you, Hitchcock!!!! Yeah, don't adjust your monitor. What you were seeing was actually happening. In Birdemic: Shock and Terror, Rod (Alan Bagh) is a software salesman living successfully in Silicon Valley. One day he reunites with an old high school friend, Natalie (Whitney Moore), who is aspiring to be a fashion model. They start dating and things are going well for the both of them... That is, until the town is under attack by birds and not just any birds. These are birds that can somehow hover in midair without flapping their wings.

      As the story progresses, we soon learn that this bird attack was all a part of global warming and that the real danger "was the humans and their fossil fuels." Normally, I'd tell you just to skip this self-important pile of preachy bull shit. It not only beats you over the head with its environmental message hammer, it bludgeons you to death with it. However, holy hell, this is such a horribly made film, you really have to stop and watch this car crash. I could go on and on about the groundbreaking special effects, but I'll start with the acting - well, I should say the lack thereof... Wow, I've heard of wooden acting, but this is just bad. There's a date scene held at a restaurant where Alan Bagh can't even talk about how his day went without sounding awkward. This isn't an emotional death scene. This isn't a big, rally the troops type speech. You're just talking about how your day went. Then we have the editing and whoever put these scenes together is either horrible at his job or he was told he has thirty minutes to put everything together. At least the latter's the excuse he probably tells people. That restaurant conversation scene is broken up into I don't know how many choppy scene cuts when one continuous shot would've worked just fine. Then again, Bagh and Moore probably couldn't memorize more than one line at a time. When you witness their acting talent, you'll realize that's not that far-fetched of a theory. The dialogue is garbage. I wouldn't be surprised if those bird effects weren't actually effects, but just stickers they stuck on the lens of the camera, while the crew hammers away on some kazoos in the background for the sound effects. The acting is so bad you'll probably laugh yourself into a hernia and the editing and direction is just piss poor and sloppy. In fact, I don't even think they edited this. I bet they just did a technique I used to do back when I was in highschool: just take a camcorder, film every scene in sequence, pop the VHS tape out, and voila! There's your movie. The only reason this isn't worse than The Room, is that this film had a plot that I at least got. It's utter crap, but it's understandable crap all explained by that "one guy" that explains everything and everyone buys it 'cause he's a scientist. Best worst moment: the former marine turned "Why can't we just give peace a chance" activist telling Rod to hand him his machine gun he has conveniently located in the back of his van so he can start shooting the birds. Don't worry. He also has a pistol for Rod to use too.

Prisoners

Cast of Characters:

Keller Dover - Hugh Jackman

Detective Loki - Jake Gyllenhaal

Nancy Birch - Viola Davis

Grace Dover - Maria Bello

Franklin Birch - Terrence Howard

Holly Jones - Melissa Leo

Alex Jones - Paul Dano

Director - Denis Villeneuve

Screenplay - Aaron Guzikowski

Rated R for disturbing violent content including torture and language throughout

      Academy Award nominees Hugh Jackman, Jake Gyllenhaal, Viola Davis and Terrence Howard, Maria Bello, Paul Dano and Academy Award winner Melissa Leo star in the crime thriller Prisoners.

      On Thanksgiving, the Dover family - Keller (Hugh Jackman), Grace (Maria Bello) and their two children - spend time with their close friends, the Birches - Franklin (Terrence Howard), Nancy (Viola Davis) and their two kids. A great time is had by all up until the moment both families' daughters go missing. They both look all around the neighborhood for them, but are unsuccessful. When the Dovers' oldest boy tells them he,  saw them playing on a mysterious RV parked near their house earlier on, they bring the law into this.

      

      That's when Detective Loki (Jake Gyllenhaal) shows up. Loki promises both families that he's gonna do everything he can to find their girls. At first he finds a potential lead with Alex Jones (Paul Dano), a young man caught driving an RV similar to the one reported, but it goes nowhere as they can find no evidence against him. Jones has the mind of a ten year old boy and his Aunt Holly (Melissa Leo) reminds Detective Loki that he's quiet, hardly goes anywhere and hasn't done a bad thing a day in his life. Keller remains convinced though that Alex knows more than he's putting on about where the girls are. When Loki tells him the station can only hold him up to 48 hours unless charges are filed, Keller decides it may be best to take matters into his own hands to get Alex to open up.

      This certainly isn't a film for everyone. Whether it's the running time of over 150 minutes or the disturbing subject matter, some may object to this. Aside from some tightening up in the editing department where I would've cut back on maybe two or three scenes, this is a taut and gripping child abduction thriller sure to keep the viewer engaged. That is, if you're up for it. When you see a cast such as this you don't expect good things, you expect great things and everyone delivers. Hugh Jackman follows up his Oscar nominated performance in the highly overrated Les Miserables (of which, even I admit, he was one of the film's strengths) with his best performance to date. He's over the top when the moment calls for it, while at the same time knowing when to show restraint. If he hasn't proven to you by now that he can do more than just wield adamantium style claws, this film certainly will. Gyllenhaal gives his best performance since the similarly themed David Fincher masterpiece Zodiac. Viola Davis and Melissa Leo are as always (well... except for Olympus Has Fallen, of course) a strong presence onscreen and Howard, Bello (Welcome back! I've missed you since you decided to detour over into Sandler Land.) and Dano (who has never had a problem appearing like a creep, yet this time plays it with a dose of sympathy) all give some of their best performances in years. We feel for each family as they go through their grief and distress over wondering whether their child is not just okay but still alive while they desperately hang on the word of Loki, who grows more and more impatient every day as lead after lead is shot down. The frustration levels for everyone reach boiling point and it's all portrayed pitch-perfectly by the cast. Along with the stellar cast, Denis Villeneuve's direction and Aaron Guzikowski's smartly written script weave together a story that's complex and maneuvers its way through twists and turns while also touching on topics such as faith, revenge and how far, or I should say how low, a family member is willing to go for their own.

      It's not on the level of the aforementioned Zodiac (without a doubt, the best crime thriller of the past 10 years), which even at over two and a half hours had my eyes superglued to the screen. Some tighter editing and trimming the final act just a bit would've made this a better film, but the superb performances alone are enough to make this an experience more than worth watching. Add Villeneuve's direction, Guzikowski's script, Johann Johannsson's tense musical score and the legendary Roger A. Deakins (Nominated for ten Oscars, yet no win. What the hell will it take?!) haunting cinematography to the mix and you have an intensely gripping and unforgettable film. I give Prisoners an A- (★★★½).

REVIEWS COMING LATER NEXT WEEK...

What the Hell Were They Thinking?!
Benjamin's Stash: Video Pick of the Week
Top 10 Comedies of All-Time
Don Jon
Rush 

A Single Shot

Cast of Characters:

John Moon - Sam Rockwell

Simon - Jeffrey Wright

Jess - Kelly Reilly

Waylon - Jason Isaacs

Obadiah - Joe Anderson

Abbie - Ophelia Lovibond

Cecile - Ted Levine

Daggard Pitt - William H. Macy

Director - David M. Rosenthal

Screenplay - Matthew F. Jones

Based on the novel A Single Shot by Matthew F. Jones

Rated R for some strong violence, sexual content, nudity, language and brief drug use

      Sam Rockwell, Jeffrey Wright, Kelly Reilly, Jason Isaacs and Academy Award nominee William H. Macy star in David M. Rosenthal's crime drama-thriller A Single Shot... Uh - what is exactly what Miley Cyrus is willing to do absolutely anything for, Alex.

      One day, while out hunting, John Moon (Sam Rockwell) finds himself at the center of a tragedy. Aiming for a deer, he takes one shot that manages to hit and kill a young woman. He watches her die, then discovers a box full of cash next to her. In a state of desperate panic, he hides her body and takes the cash with him.

      While certainly a spur of the moment decision, we soon see that Moon had his reasons for taking the money. He recently lost his family's dairy farm to foreclosure and he's also in the midst of a divorce battle with his wife Jess (Kelly Reilly). Like the tagline points out though, a single shot comes with a thousand consequences, and Moon finds himself the target of a hunt down from Waylon (Jason Isaacs), who was the boyfriend of that ill-fated girl from the beginning, and he wants his money back.

      Director David M. Rosenthal has stated before that one of his biggest influences in filmmaking are the Coen brothers. Here we get another "An ordinary man, through one circumstance, finds himself in deep and the problem only gets worse and worse" fable that no one does better than the Coens. You can definitely see traces at times of the Coens in A Single Shot. The first ten to fifteen minutes feature no dialogue, yet capture the mood (courtesy of some fine cinematography by Eduard Grau) this film is aiming for perfectly. However, although it aims at being something similar to Coen brothers films like Fargo and No Country for Old Men and the Coen-esque Sam Raimi thriller A Simple Plan, it falls way short of that level. The films suffers from its share of problems starting with Atli Orvarsson's uneven score which is either hitting the right notes or making you go, "Okay, I get the point!!!!". The main problem, though, lies in the number of supporting characters, many of which - aside from two terrific supporting turns from Joe Anderson and Jason Isaacs - don't work as well as they should. Jeffrey Wright has always been a dependable character actor in a number of films, but here he chews the scenery a tad bit more than he needs to as Rockwell's alcoholic friend who shows up near the end to "connect the dots" for him. Plus, if he's that drunk, how the hell is able to string together all these events, no matter how mumbled out they are, so well? The great William H. Macy shows up in a couple of scenes, yet we're never able to understand whether he's good or bad or what exactly his own personal motives with John Moon are, and we don't get enough of the underrated Kelly Reilly (who was absolutely wonderful opposite Denzel Washington in last year's top 10 best Flight). She has some of the better moments this film has to offer, but I wanted more out of her character. One character that works though: Rockwell. He's good here. He's damn good. When isn't he? This man can seamlessly transition from supporting to lead roles, lighthearted to dark comedy, drama to thriller, you name it. Example, see his scene stealing performance in The Way, Way Back earlier this year and compare it with his low-key turn here as John Moon. Rockwell has always been and continues to be one of the most versatile actors in the business for the past ten or so years, and in spite of the flaws this film clearly has, he steps up and gives 110% like he always does.

      I'm still gonna give this a mild rental recommendation simply 'cause of Rockwell's performance. The script is the film's biggest weakness, and it further proves something I believe in that just 'cause you may be a great novelist, doesn't mean you'll be a great screenwriter (Stephen King, I'm talking to you!). That's not always the case, but it is here. Rockwell's great performance, a few of the supporting roles and Grau's beautiful camera work do give some life back into what could've been a dull disaster. It tries to be something greater then it is, but falls somewhere around okay. I give A Single Shot a C (★★½).

The Family

Cast of Characters:

Fred Blake/Giovanni Manzoni - Robert De Niro

Maggie Blake - Michelle Pfeiffer

Agent Robert Stansfield - Tommy Lee Jones

Belle Blake - Dianna Agron

Warren Blake - John D'Leo

Director - Luc Besson

Screenplay - Luc Besson & Michael Caleo

Based on the novel Malavita by Tonino Benacquista

Rated R for violence, language and brief sexuality

      Academy Award winners Robert De Niro and Tommy Lee Jones and Academy Award nominee Michelle Pfeiffer star in Luc Besson's crime comedy The Family.

      The Family begins in France with the Blake family - Fred (Robert De Niro), his wife Maggie (Michelle Pfeiffer) and their two kids Belle (Dianna Agron) and Warren (John D'Leo) - getting settled into their new home located in a small town near Normandy. Fred, previously a mob boss known as Giovanni Manzoni, performed some negative activity to Brooklyn crime kingpin Don Luchese six years prior to the move. After a failed hit attempt on him, Giovanni rats on Don Luchese, sending the Don to prison and himself into the witness protection program under the supervision of Agent Robert Stansfield (Tommy Lee Jones).

      Now in France, the Blake family at first struggle to assimilate within the town. They're looked down upon at first by the French natives, but over time they learn to adapt, particularly the children. Dianna has fallen head over heels for the college kid who subs her class and John has managed to create his own little mini-mafia in the school.

      Back in the 90's, Luc Besson made two films, Leon: The Professional and The Fifth Element, both of which I loved. The 2000's though have not been kind to him, far from it. With The Family, almost 20 years after Leon: The Professional, it's a shame that he still hasn't been able to get back on track as this film is as ho-hum as a movie can get for 2013. It's not really the performances. Some of the performances were okay, but that's about it. It all boils down to Besson's writing and direction here, which tonally is all over the place. Suffering from a clear case of identity crisis, The Family can't decide whether it wants to be a dark comedy or a gritty and violent crime film, not to mention all the little heartfelt moments such as the subplot between Belle and her substitute teacher. On top of that, we never really get into why Manzoni had a hit put on him to begin with. At first, the movie showed just a little bit of promise with Maggie and her kids trying to fit in with the town and school respectively, but once Tommy Lee Jones shows up, everything switches gears. Jones is a tremendously talented actor and pairing him up with De Niro looks good on paper. I'm certain in the right film they'd be great together. Whenever they're onscreen here though it's like a completely different movie compared to the rest. As for De Niro, halfway through the film I started thinking to myself, "Wow, he follows up a terrific supporting role in Silver Linings Playbook with The Big Wedding, Killing Season and now this? I bet he can't wait for 2014." Overall, it's just a bland, predictable performance from him with a setup of some Frenchie disrespecting him which leads to him beating them to a pulp while he flashes that trademark smirk of his. De Niro, seriously, you're Jake LaMotta, Vito Corleone, Jimmy Conway, Al Capone, Neil McCauley and "Johnny Boy" Civello. You're much better than this! Oh, and the Goodfellas gag near the climax of the film actually had me utter, "Oh my God... Wow." out loud. Bobby D, you haven't quite trashed your film legacy as much as Pacino has, but why, oh why, must you do this?!

      This is September for you. Summer's gone and we haven't quite reached Oscar season yet, so we're left with this - a bland, generic and extremely uneven film. It tries to be funny yet, aside from a few laughs at the beginning, isn't. When that doesn't work it tries to be dark and tense but ends up being a bore, and when it tries to be heartfelt... well, at that point I just stopped caring. I'm sure the studio thought if they just plaster Martin Scorsese's name as executive producer on the poster near De Niro's name, everyone would get all geeked up about it being a Goodfellas reunion. Well, it isn't. It most definitely isn't. I give The Family a D+ (★½). 

Benjamin's Stash: Video Pick of the Week

      Hello, readers. This week a little film with a packed all-star cast called Prisoners opens up this weekend in theaters. This week's pick will be devoted to one of the stars and it was actually a bit difficult to decide on which one to go with consider the number of quality films each performer has done already. I already did a pick for Hugh Jackman earlier this summer when The Wolverine came out. I could've gone with Zodiac featuring Jake Gyllenhaal, The Fighter featuring Melissa Leo, The Help with Viola Davis, or Little Miss Sunshine with Paul Dano. In the end, I decided on another film featuring a star-studded cast that reminds me of a time, prior to the Grown Ups films, when Maria Bello films were worth watching. It also marked the feature film debut of a man whose father had already carved out quite an iconic filmmaking legacy in comedy.

      "Michael Jordan plays ball. Charles Manson kills people. I talk. Everyone has a talent." In Thank You for Smoking, Nick Naylor (Aaron Eckhart) is the smooth-talking vice president of a tobacco lobby known as the "Academy of Tobacco Studies". During the day, Naylor defends the tobacco industry on TV, in public, and at his son's school for Career Day. He also, once a week, has dinner with two of his friends - Bobby Jay Bliss (David Koechner), a firearms lobbyist and Polly Bailey (Maria Bello), an alcohol lobbyist. Together they form what they jokingly refer to as the "Merchants of Death", aka "The MOD Squad". Nick's toughest challenge though comes in the form of Vermont Senator Ortolan K. Finistirre (William H. Macy), who has proposed new legislation that would require tobacco companies to place a skull and crossbones POISON warning on all cigarette packaging. Meanwhile, Nick also finds himself seduced by the young and ambitious reporter Heather Holloway (Katie Holmes), who is doing an expose on him.

      This was the feature length film debut of Jason Reitman, the son of Ivan Reitman, who has directed such comedy classics as Meatballs, Stripes, Ghostbusters, Twins and the underrated Dave. What a way for Jason to start his career out with a film like Thank You for Smoking (which he also adapted the screenplay for based on Christopher Buckley's novel of the same name). The writing here is sharp, witty, hilarious and handles a topic such as smoking in a way that doesn't demonize either side, but doesn't straddle the fence indecisively either. Most people would normally hate someone like Nick Naylor, but his character is so charming and likeable you can't help but like him. He's just doing what he's paid to do, which like any lobbyist, is to sell spin, and he's damn good at it. Eckhart's performance is near award level here and it further cemented him as a leading man in film. It's not just Eckhart either. You got the legendary Robert Duvall, Sam Elliott, William H. Macy, Rob Lowe, Katie Holmes, Maria Bello, and the criminally underrated character actor J. K. Simmons (who has, easily, my favorite line of the film: "We sell cigarettes and they're cool, they're available and they're addictive... The job's almost done for us.") all turning in strong supporting work. No matter what side of the "smoking" fence you are on, you'll find yourself laughing non-stop from the moment the film starts. If not, whatever, you can sulk and watch those Truth commercial ads all day. Reitman's sharp script and direction put his name on the map. With later films such as Juno and Up in the Air that followed, Thank You for Smoking showed he was just getting warmed up.

What the Hell Were They Thinking?!

      Hello, readers. Today's ode to crap is neither a Syfy original nor a horribly written, directed, acted and everything else drama like The Room. This week I decided to venture off into slasher film territory.

      An overheating problem like that must be a blown head gasket. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 picks up on Christmas Eve some years after the first one. Ricky Caldwell (Eric Freeman) is the 18 year old brother of the killer from the first film, now being held in a mental institution and awaiting trial for all the murders that he committed. Through flashbacks, we find out that Ricky and his brother have been traumatized by a man, dressed up as Santa, that kills their parents. After his brother's death, Ricky is adopted by a nice couple. Following his foster father's death, though, Ricky snaps and goes on killing spree, targeting those he deems to be "naughty". The lump of coal's overrated anyway. If you really wanna get all the kids out there to be good for goodness sake, threatening their lives should do the trick.

      Despite the fact that this is the second film of the series and that the first film was well known for being highly controversial at the time of its release, I skipped the first film anyway. Seriously, is this the type of film where people go, "Dude, you really need to see the first one first; otherwise, it'll all just go right over your head."? Besides, the filmmakers were either lazy enough or kind enough to make 40 out of the 88 minutes that make up this film footage from the first one anyway. Now I could go on about the piss poor editing or the horrible, horrible, horrible writing (although I really do commend them for reminding me to take my trash bin to curb since tomorrow really is GARBAGE DAY!!!! for me). No, there really is only one and only one reason to watch this film: Eric Freeman's performance... his horrible, unintentionally hilarious performance. This man deserved an Oscar nomination for Best Actor back then 'cause I have to believe delivering a performance as shitty as he does here has gotta take an tremendous amount of skill. Then again, yeah, maybe he is just that bad. Either way, halfway through the film, I decided I was gonna focus on nothing else but Freeman's performance which is still just God awful bad even when he's not saying a single word. How the hell is that possible? His over the top facial expressions made me wonder if he had Tourette's or if he had a really bad itch on his nose, but was the kind of professional actor that no matter what stays in character, which means absolutely no itching. If you look at it that way, yes, he's definitely like Daniel Day-Lewis, although I've never heard Day-Lewis deliver lines like a stoned William Shatner. Overall, when it comes to the greatest slasher villains of all time, be it Leatherface, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger or Michael Myers, none of them will ever hold a candle to Ricky - the blue sweater killer, donning a horrible Scott Baio doo while kicking ass and taking names against all those who are "naughty". Hey, the garbage disposal companies appreciate the plug. By the way, as for that car moment in the clip, I want MythBusters here now 'cause I'm calling bull shit.

Insidious: Chapter 2

Cast of Characters:

Josh Lambert - Patrick Wilson

Renai Lambert - Rose Byrne

Elise Ranier - Lin Shaye

Dalton Lambert - Ty Simpkins

Lorraine Lambert - Barbara Hershey

Director - James Wan

Screenplay - Leigh Whannell

Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of terror and violence, and thematic elements

      Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne and Academy Award nominee Barbara Hershey team up once again with director James Wan and screenwriter Leigh Whannell in the sequel to 2011's Insidious, Insidious: Chapter 2.

      Well, kid, if he's talking to himself, the question should answer itself. Following the events that took place in the first film, Josh (Patrick Wilson) and Renai Lambert (Rose Byrne) decide that it's best for their family if they stay with Josh's mother Lorraine (Barbara Hershey). It seems though that no sooner than they have their feet through the door that crazy things start happening. Renai is naturally creeped out by all the eery occurrences, but unfortunately not everyone's so keen on listening to the "Hey, some crazy shit's going on here, so maybe we should leave." voice of reason. Josh, wanting to move on from what happened, tells Renai she has nothing to worry about.

      Turns out, Renai has everything to worry about, 'cause Josh has been acting strange since the events from the first film. His mother notices it as well. Wanting to be done with whatever evil is lurking around their family once again, Renai and Lorraine seek help from a few former acquaintances from the past events to help rid them of these wicked spirits.

      Not wanting to be in the dark when it comes to what happened in the first film, I finally rented Insidious earlier this week. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. It started out rather well, but then come the final act the story started to unravel in its cheesiness. With Insidious: Chapter 2, despite another effective directorial effort from James Wan, solid performances from the cast, and some dependable scare gags, it's unfortunate that it falls prey to the same problems the first film had. There's no doubt that director James Wan has a tremendous talent for creating an unsettling mood for his horror films, and he certainly brings that to the table here. The problem is the film follows the same climatic resolution that the first film had and we aren't offered anything new with the story's mythology. I understand the saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it.", but the third act in Insidious didn't really work to begin with, so why rehash it? I do credit both Wan and screenwriter Leigh Whannell (who also stars in the film) for not taking the material too seriously. It's not without a few unintentionally funny moments (all involving an overacting, abusive ghost mother that makes Joan Crawford look like the Looney Tunes Granny), but there are some effective comic relief laughs from Whannell and Angus Sampson, returning as the ghost hunters from the first film. On top of that, there are also some fairly clever ways in which they tie this and the first film together. Like the first film, though, we get a solid first act, solid middle act, then a weak final act that falls apart and kinda heads into The Shining territory with Patrick Wilson; in fact, there's a moment near the end, very similar to an iconic moment out of The Shining, where I was expecting Wilson to peer his head through the hole and shout, "Heeeeeere's Johnny!!!!".

      The flaws are clearly evident onscreen, but Wan's touch does save the film just a bit. It's rumored he's wanting to get out of the horror genre, and while I'd love to see what he can do with other types of film, I hope he doesn't leave horror for good. With the right script, Wan can make magic. Today, when horror is all about how gory you can be, it is refreshing that he wants to make horror films that are more about creating a tense, creepy atmosphere than how much blood and guts he can throw at the screen. There are some creepy moments that work for the film, but it definitely should've gotten a run through the rewrite mill. Then again, the first one should've as well. It's not a bad film, and it does provide some fun that can be had once it's available to rent, but it's not as good as the much more effective horror film by Wan earlier this year, The Conjuring. I give Insidious: Chapter 2 a C+ (★★½).

REVIEWS COMING LATER NEXT WEEK...

What the Hell Were They Thinking?!
Benjamin's Stash: Video Pick of the Week
The Family
A Single Shot
Prisoners

Touchy Feely

Cast of Characters:

Abby - Rosemarie Dewitt

Bronwyn - Allison Janney

Adrian - Ron Livingston

Jesse - Scoot McNairy

Jenny - Ellen Page

Paul - Josh Pais

Director - Lynn Shelton

Screenplay - Lynn Shelton

Rated R for language, some drug use and brief sexuality

      Rosemarie Dewitt, Scoot McNairy, Josh Pais and Academy Award nominee Ellen Page star in writer/director Lynn Shelton's Touchy Feely. 

      Abby (Rosemarie DeWitt), is an in demand massage therapist and free spirit, while her polar opposite brother Paul (Josh Pais) lives for routine and convention, running a slumping dental practice and co-dependently enlisting the assistance of his emotionally stunted daughter Jenny (Ellen Page). Suddenly, transformation touches everyone. Abby develops an uncontrollable aversion to bodily contact, which not only makes her occupation impossible but severely hinders the passionate love life between her and her boyfriend Jesse (Scoot McNairy).

      Meanwhile, rumors of Paul’s so called “healing touch” with TMJ (Temporomandibular joint disorder) begin to miraculously invigorate his practice as well as his life outside the office. As Abby navigates her way through a soul-searching identity crisis, her formerly skeptical brother discovers a whole new side of himself.

      Over the past five or so years, writer/director Lynn Shelton has made two films - Humpday and Your Sister's Sister - that I really enjoyed. With Touchy Feely, Shelton presents us with a uniformly talented cast that unfortunately, unlike her past films, is let down by a rather weak script. We're introduced to some interesting characters with interesting situations (such as Paul being viewed by the locals as some Messianic miracle worker for his TMJ touch), but the problem is Shelton never really resolves these conflicts. We never quite go in depth into the how and why Abby all of a sudden has an aversion to bodily contact. Jenny clearly isn't happy with the way her life is going, yet we only scratch the surface there. There's not enough Allison Janney here, especially when her and Pais together is one of the high points, and Ron Livingston shows up and is gone before we can even get to really know his character. It's as if Shelton set up all these scenarios and then didn't quite know how to bring them to a conclusion, so she leaves them as is. It's one thing to have a loose end here and there. You can forgive that. It's a whole other story to leave everything open ended like Shelton does here. It's a shame 'cause if you've seen the previous two films by Shelton that I mentioned above, you know she's a talented filmmaker. The cast saves this film from going completely off the rails, and to be fair, it starts out great. It's just too bad that it ends on a rather abrupt low note and leaves us with too many questions unanswered.

      Somewhere there's a great movie buried deep inside Touchy Feely, but it just never comes to the surface. We certainly get a few inspired moments here and there, particularly from Josh Pais in a wonderfully quirky and awkward performance. He certainly hits it out of the park, but it's still not enough for me to recommend beyond a rental. I give Touchy Feely a C+ (★★½).      

The Spectacular Now

Cast of Characters:

Sutter Keely - Miles Teller

Aimee Finecky - Shailene Woodley

Cassidy - Brie Larson

Sara Keely - Jennifer Jason Leigh

Tommy Keely - Kyle Chandler

Director - James Ponsoldt

Screenplay - Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber

Based on the novel The Spectacular Now by Tim Tharp

Rated R for alcohol use, language and some sexuality - all involving teens

      Miles Teller and Academy Award nominee Shailene Woodley star in The Spectacular Now, from the writers that brought you the 2009 hit (500) Days of Summer.

      Sutter Keely (Miles Teller) lives in the now, for today. Why worry about your future when you can drink and party it up? After all, he is the life of every party; however, he is also a drunk in the making. He never takes his classes seriously and when his girlfriend Cassidy (Brie Larson) realizes that he seems to have no interest in his future, she dumps him.

      Things seem to brighten up for Sutter though the day he meets Aimee Finecky (Shailene Woodley). After waking him up from his drunken stupor during her newspaper delivery route, they form a friendship. Aimee couldn't possibly be any more different than Sutter. She's the nice girl at school, reads science fiction comics, never has had a boyfriend, and unlike Sutter, seems to have her future completely mapped out.

      Before I continue on, I'm gonna just take back what I've said before about Miles Teller. If you go back all the way to the beginning of April, you'll find my review of 21 & Over, which he was the star of. It was complete crap, a definite contender for top 10 worst of 2013, and I felt he came off as just a poor man's Shia LaBeouf. Miles, you have officially proven me wrong with The Spectacular Now because you, sir, are terrific here. Teller and Woodley are absolutely electric together and it's one of the best pairings chemistry-wise of the year. Woodley, who received her first Oscar nomination in The Descendants, is once again wonderful here in a performance that should merit her another possible Oscar nod. Writers Scott Neustadter and Michael H. Weber, who both wrote (500) Days of Summer prior to this, deliver another strongly written hit. These two really tap into what it is like being a teenager on the verge of exiting high school and embarking on a course that determines the rest of your life, whether it be good or bad. I remember back ten years ago - dear God, it's now ten years - to my senior year and how excited I felt to finally be done with high school, but also terrified at the idea of entering adulthood. This film captures those moments perfectly. Unlike other lesser coming-of-age stories that amount to nothing, the ex-girlfriend isn't the snarky, blonde bitch we love to hate and the parents aren't the bumbling, inept fools or shrill, finger wagging banshees that have absolutely no clue as to what their kids are doing. Actually, if anything, particularly in Sutter's case, the ex-girlfriend and mom are the voice of reason trying to get him to snap out of it. In spite of having no ambition, we still find ourselves caring deeply for Sutter, primarily 'cause we know he can do better - much better - than just drinking and partying all night, and by the time a family matter is revealed to him (not giving anything away), we genuinely feel for him. We care about Aimee as well for the opposite reasons. She's extremely likeable, honest, never seems to have a problem talking about the hardships she grew up with, and is full of ambition. Along with the two leads, there is also some standout supporting work from Jennifer Jason Leigh, Kyle Chandler, Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Bob Odenkirk ("Better call Saul!").

      With only a few films under each of their belts, writers Neustadter and Weber and director James Ponsoldt (who previously directed a terrific little film called Smashed, also with Winstead) all have bright careers to look forward to. It's safe to say we'll hear Woodley's name mentioned amongst the Oscar nominees next year and maybe even Neustadter and Weber as well for Best Adapted Screenplay. Can't say the same for Teller. He may get one, but he probably won't. That said, it's still a performance that proved to me he's capable of so much more than just cheap crap like 21 & Over. Despite opening in August, I didn't get a chance to see it until now. Then again, better late than never Celebration Cinema. There's not a moment here I didn't love about this movie, which is one of the best coming-of-age tales I've seen in years. Come on up to the front of the line. I give The Spectacular Now an A+ (★★★★).

Blue Jasmine

Cast of Characters:

Harold Francis - Alec Baldwin

Jeanette "Jasmine" Francis - Cate Blanchett

Al - Louis C.K.

Chili - Bobby Cannavale

Augie - Andrew Dice Clay

Ginger - Sally Hawkins

Dwight Westlake - Peter Sarsgaard

Dr. Flicker - Michael Stuhlbarg

Director - Woody Allen

Screenplay - Woody Allen

Rated PG-13 for mature thematic material, language and sexual content

      Academy Award winner Cate Blanchett, Louis C.K., Andrew Dice Clay, Peter Sarsgaard and Academy Award nominee Alec Baldwin star in Academy Award winning director Woody Allen's Blue Jasmine.

      Alec Baldwin lecturing on tempers. This is why Woody Allen's such a genius. Blue Jasmine opens with Jasmine Francis (Cate Blanchett) moving to San Francisco to be with her sister Ginger (Sally Hawkins) in order to get her life back on track. Through flashbacks, we learn that Jasmine was once married to multimillionaire Hal (Alec Baldwin) who was arrested for fraud and on top of that, ended up causing Ginger and her husband Augie (Andrew Dice Clay) to lose a fortune as well in an investment scheme.

      Now attempting to move on in San Francisco, a very medicated Jasmine dreams of becoming an interior decorator. She gets a job as a dental assistant, and things seem to be on the up when she meets the wealthy Dwight Westlake (Peter Sarsgaard), an aspiring California politician. In spite of the good she seems to have coming her way, Jasmine still finds it hard to shake off her past.

      For almost fifty years, Woody Allen has consistently written and directed hit after hit after hit. It's not just his strength as a writer, it's also that no matter who he is working with, everyone brings their A-game for him. In Blue Jasmine, everyone does just that. Cate Blanchett is brilliant in the sometimes funny, sometimes sad and overall complex title role that is Jasmine. She's not very likeable; in fact, she's at times a snobby bitch, but Blanchett is able keep the audience downright fascinated with her anyway. The supporting work is also terrific. Baldwin is solid as usual in a role that we don't necessarily like but can't hate either and Bobby Cannavale and Sally Hawkins are equally strong. Hawkins and Blanchett, in particular, are great together as they provide us with some entertaining culture clash moments and Andrew Dice Clay surprised me in a terrific supporting role (particularly his final scene with Jasmine). It's really Louis C.K. and Michael Stuhlbarg that didn't work for me here. That's not a slight on their talent in any way. Louis C.K. is one of the hottest comics out there now and if you haven't seen Stuhlbarg in the Coen brothers film A Serious Man, do so. It really boils down to the fact that I found both of their roles to be somewhat filler throwaways. I would've rather have seen Allen focus more on the relationship between Jasmine and Sarsgaard's Westlake. Sarsgaard is really good in the few scenes we see him in and it really is a missed opportunity for Allen 'cause the few scenes we do see him in with Blanchett, as good as they are, aren't enough. I would've rather have seen that relationship develop more (especially, without giving anything away, when you see how it first comes about) than stopping by to see C.K. and Stuhlbarg's characters.

      In spite of its flaws, this is far from a bad film. It's just not what I expect from Woody Allen. Of course, it's unfair to say that in the hands of a lesser director we'd be saying this is a great film, but since it's Allen we hold him to a higher standard. Then again, when you've written and directed Annie Hall, The Purple Rose of Cairo, Hannah and Her Sisters, Crimes and Misdemeanors, and Bullets Over Broadway (just to name a few)... well, yeah, we are gonna hold you to a higher standard. I will say though that Blanchett's electrifying performance - that may very well earn her an Oscar nod next year - along with the solid supporting cast makes this worth a watch, be it a rainy day matinee or a weekend rental. If you choose the latter, throw in any of the previous five films I just mentioned with it. I give Blue Jasmine a B (★★★).

Ain't Them Bodies Saints

Cast of Characters:

Bob Muldoon - Casey Affleck

Ruth Guthrie - Rooney Mara

Patrick Wheeler - Ben Foster

Sweetie - Nate Parker

Will - Rami Malek

Skerritt - Keith Carradine

Director - David Lowery

Screenplay - David Lowery

Rated R for some violence

      Academy Award nominee Casey Affleck, Rooney Mara, Ben Foster and Academy Award winner Keith Carradine star in David Lowery's Ain't Them Bodies Saints.

      In 1970's Texas, Bob Muldoon (Casey Affleck) is an outlaw who, following a shootout with the local law enforcement, takes the fall for both him and his wife Ruth Guthrie (Rooney Mara) - who was responsible for shooting local sheriff Patrick Wheeler (Ben Foster). Bob willingly surrenders to the cops, but not before promising to return to both his wife and unborn child, so long as she promises to wait for him.

      A few years go by and Ruth is still waiting as she raises her daughter on her own. Over time, she has befriended Sheriff Wheeler, who breaks the news to her that her husband has escaped from prison. Bob, now a fugitive, is doing everything he can to return back to his wife and the daughter he has never seen.

      We've seen this type of narrative before, and while it is a straightforward and conventional plot, I couldn't help but be captivated by how beautiful writer/director David Lowery was able to let this bittersweet romance unfold. Clearly influenced by Terrence Malick, Lowery's vision here is smartly paced, often times poetic and gorgeously shot (courtesy of cinematographer Bradford Young), capturing the beautiful Texas Hill Country in ways sure to keep your eyes fixated on the screen. On top of that, we have Daniel Hart's musical score, which fits the mood of the film just right. Lowery is also able to bring the very best out of such a talented and pitch perfect cast. Casey Affleck proves once again just how underrated of an actor he is. Even something as small as the way he delivers his narrative lines just draws you in. His character never begs for my sympathy like a panhandler, yet I still found myself pulling for him to reunite with his wife and little girl. Rooney Mara gives one of her best performances to date, as does Ben Foster. Foster has caught my eye since Hostage and Alpha Dog, yet it was getting to the point where I was like, "Oh, great, what high-strung oddball is he playing now?" Then I saw The Messenger which showed he can pull back and show restraint. Here, Foster is restrained and subdued in one of his better performances and he shows once again that he can play outside his "comfort zone". Overall, everyone wisely shows restraint and if there really was someone you'd call a "scene stealer" here it'd be Keith Carradine as the fiercely protective neighbor of Ruth and her daughter. Carradine has such a wonderful screen presence and really commands every scene that he is in, without ever going overboard, which is what you'd expect from a veteran performer such as him.

      Ain't Them Bodies Saints doesn't break any new ground, and the title is certainly a head scratcher. That said, don't let the film's name turn you off from seeing this, 'cause the all around perfect cast and Lowery's direction more than make up for any flaws this movie may have. It is a small film, but I liked it that way. I just may have even enjoyed it less had it tried to be anything bigger than what it was. With this being just his second feature length film, Lowery shows he has the potential for quite a promising career ahead of him. I give Ain't Them Bodies Saints an A- (★★★½).

Benjamin's Stash: Video Pick of the Week

      Hello, readers. James Wan's Insidious: Chapter 2 opens nationwide Friday, so this week's pick will be devoted to Insidious star Patrick Wilson. I was close to going with Watchmen but ultimately decided to go with a lesser known pick starring Wilson and two Oscar winning ladies, one being my personal favorite.

  

      In Little Children, Sarah Pierce (Kate Winslet) is a suburban outsider who, after long days at the local community pool with her child, soon becomes acquainted with local husband and father Brad (Patrick Wilson) - who seems to share in her seething discontentment with life in their quaint commuter town. An English literature major who never imagined a fate as a soccer mom, Sarah has a growing dissatisfaction with her successful husband that parallels Brad's increasing frustration with his inability to pass the bar and connect with his wife Kathy (Jennifer Connelly), a successful documentary filmmaker. It's not long before the dejected pair is meeting for a series of illicit afternoon trysts as their unsuspecting spouses work and their children lie quietly napping. Meanwhile, the community is riled by the return of convicted sex offender Ronald James McGorvey (Jackie Earle Haley) who leaves the concerned parents scrambling to protect their young ones.

      A movie like this, in the hands of the wrong director and writer, can wind up as pretentious, melodramatic crap. However, co-writer/director Todd Fields (with screenplay help from Little Children author Tom Perrotta), having co-wrote and directed the fantastic In the Bedroom, is no stranger to taking seemingly normal suburban families and turning their lives upside-down. Here Fields's direction is once again spot on, providing us with so much in spite of very little dialogue at times. What Fields has done has taken characters we wanna like and made them rather unlikeable, almost despicable at times. At the same time, we also get a child molester, superbly acted by Jackie Earle Haley (who also starred with Wilson in Watchmen) in a comeback role, that we wanna despise, yet can't help but feel sympathy for. It's more than a tricky task trying to make a child molester role appear sympathetic, but Haley, under the direction of Fields, pulls it off. It's not that we sympathize for the man. We sympathize what he's going through - a man trying to move on from his dark past - and even what his own mother has to put up with. Overall, Little Children is an often times satirical look at hypocrisy within a suburban community. Sarah and Brad and all the superficial soccer moms can point their fingers and demonize McGorvey all day. To be fair, if you're a parent, can you blame them? When Sarah and Brad are behind closed doors, though, and making up for their own loveless marriages by banging each other - while their own children are in the room next to them - you realize they're not without sin either. Oh, far from it. This isn't quite on the level that another suburban mid-life crisis film before it, American Beauty, is. That being said, it's still a damn good film, with an all-around fantastic cast, that takes a look at the lives of those that seem happy and normal, but are just as empty and sad as the very people they look down upon.

What the Hell Were They Thinking?!

      Hello, readers. Today you're in for a special treat. I'm gonna bypass the typical monster-fest crap that usually graces these posts, and devote this week's crap pick to what many people consider to be the worst film ever made... and after watching it last night, yeah, I'm gonna jump on that bandwagon. You have been warned... You have all been warned.

      The Room centers on three people... and about ten more that make absolutely no sense as to why they're there. Speaking of which, I bought a bacon and cheese Quarter Pounder today at McDonald's. So Johnny (Tommy Wiseau) is engaged to Lisa (Juliette Danielle). Did you know that I play four instruments? Yeah, I do. The downside, though, is that Lisa's attracted to Johnny's best friend Mark (Greg Sestero); however, I bought the new Doritos Locos Taco chips and - oh my God - they are so good! Lisa's mother advises her to do the right thing (marry Johnny for his money). That being said, I'm really gonna have to get the CD player installed in my car soon... Oh, hi, Mark. I didn't notice you were sitting right in front of me this whole time.

      You're probably wondering if I dropped acid before typing, and the answer is no. You have officially gotten, courtesy of me, the CliffsNotes version of just what the hell this movie actually is. In a way, it reminded me of when I was in junior/senior high and coming up with a ton of movie script ideas - most of them shitty horror ones - and then all of sudden I'm like, "Okay, stop! I'm gonna make an intense drama centered on my high school friends! Yeah!" What results is a cheesy, overly melodramatic mess written by a fourteen year old who near the end of writing it goes, "Fuck it. I'm throwing a monster in there anyway." I'm gonna rundown for you every writing error, inconsistency, plot hole and head scratching moment this film provided. As Margo Channing would say, "Fasten your seat belts... It's gonna be a bumpy night."

      1) What exactly is The Room?

      2) No one, and I mean no one, knows how to have sex right. Either they missed Biology class, and (or) their parents completely dropped the ball on explaining the birds and the bees, but in the world of The Room, human copulation can be achieved by way of either the naval, hip and ironically anywhere that's not a vagina.

      3) Seriously, what the fuck is up with Johnny's accent? It's like Christopher Walken and John Travolta had a baby that survived a botched abortion. At first, I wondered if he was really trying to do a very, very, very, very horrible accent for the movie... Then I looked up some interviews and, nope, he actually sounds like that.

      4) Every time Mark is about to have sex with Lisa, he has to remind her, "No, I can't. Johnny's my best friend." - even after getting into a huge friendship ending fight with Johnny near the end. Could be guilt, or it could be a severe case of short-term memory loss... or it could just be shitty writing. Smart money's on the latter.

      5) If you turn any moment whenever Johnny laughs, says hi, or a football gets thrown into a drinking game, you not only will develop a drinking problem, you will die of liver poisoning halfway through the film.

      6) The football is literally the best actor in this movie.

      7) When we first meet Lisa's mother, she mentions in passing that her tests reveal she does, in fact, have breast cancer, and that's the last we hear of it. Hey, I hate crying over spilled milk too, and what's the point of bringing up the nitpicky things over and over again, but wouldn't something like breast cancer be just a little bit higher up on the alert scale?

      8) There's a moment where Denny, the young college kid that Johnny acts as a guardian for, explains to Johnny that he's in love with Lisa. It's not Johnny's nonchalant "oh, that's cool" reaction that left me with question marks over my head, it's when Denny then changes gears and mentions he's in love with some other girl and wants to have children with her that does. It's also not weird to Johnny that Denny likes to watch him and Lisa have sex.

      9) Denny somehow owes drug money to a guy that threatens to kill him. Johnny and Mark show up, escort the guy away, and we never see him again. Did they take him to jail or what? If so, is the jail like next door to the room, 'cause Johnny and Mark show up again in what seems like seconds. Oh, and nothing is ever brought up about Denny's apparent drug problem again.

      10) The editing in this film is so bad I'm wondering how the hell Eric Chase is still getting work even if it's for shitty low-budget horror films.

      11) Seriously, no one in this film knows how to have sex.

      12) Seriously, the football has a better chance at scoring an Oscar nomination than any other performer in this movie.

      13) It just dawned on me that Lisa's mother's breast cancer probably refused to show back up again in this pile of shit.

      14) A couple just shows up randomly at Johnny's house just to fool around.

      15) Yes, that really does happen.

      16) That same guy then explains to Johnny that he experienced a tragedy when his girlfriend exposed his underwear. How does it relate to the movie? Well, how does anything in this film relate to the movie?! I can see it now. "History Channel presents the greatest tragedies in world history: 5) Pearl Harbor... 4) 9/11... 3) The Bubonic Plague... 2) The Holocaust... 1) Mike has his underwear exposed."

      17) Lisa explains to her mom that she not only no longer loves Johnny, she doesn't even like him. She then explains to her mom in the next scene that Johnny is a very generous and caring man... ????????

      18) For being such a slut, Lisa is terrible in bed... just like everyone else.

      19) So there's a character named Peter that shows up to give advice 'cause he's the psychologist friend, which annoys Johnny 'cause Peter's "always playing psychologist with us", even though he is a psychologist. Then we get him in two other scenes and that's that. 

      20) Mark tries to murder Peter in one scene while high on weed... Yep. Why this is happening is a good question, but an even bigger question to ask is if smoking weed really leads to fits of rage. 

      21) Despite trying to murder Peter, Mark just brushes it off with a calm "sorry". I guess sometimes sorry does cut it... even if it's for attempted murder.

      22) The guys play football in their wedding tuxes. Is it the wedding? No, but I guess Wiseau wanted a scene with them playing football in tuxes... Yeah, your guess is as good as mine. That's the last we ever see of Peter... Oh my God... Maybe Mark did murder him?

      23) The very next scene involves Johnny and Mark at a coffee shop where Johnny, after lecturing Mark that his business clients are a confidential matter, asks Mark how his sex life's going. Sounds reasonable.

      24) After a while, some other guy shows up just advising Lisa out of the blue like I'm supposed to already know who the fuck he really is. Turns out, that guy is Peter re-cast, and Wiseau either forgot or was just too lazy to re-shoot the other scenes. He probably thought it'll make much more sense if the character gets renamed... No.

      25) And to think this film could've definitely had a shot at "Benjamin's Stash" if only Wiseau re-shot those scenes. So much for your shot at an A+ !!!!

      26) Pretty much none of the dialogue made any sense. Whether it's the random characters, nonsensical story transitions, and "Hey, who are they and how the hell did they get here?" moments, you will scratch the hair clean off your scalp. Inception and The Matrix now make total sense.

      27) At the end of the movie, Lisa leaves Johnny for Mark, which leads to Johnny blowing his brains out... but not before what looks like him dry humping one of Lisa's dresses. That thirty seconds right there, though, made more sense than the rest of the movie did.

      28) Lisa and Mark return to a dead Johnny - who, keep in mind, has just recently STUCK A GUN IN HIS MOUTH AND BLEW HIS BRAINS OUT!!!! - and they still somehow say, "Hey, Johnny, wake up!" It actually takes Mark sticking his hand underneath Johnny's blasted away head, rubbing his fingers around in some blood, pulling the hand back out and then studying his blood covered hand intently to decide that maybe he's not getting up. The blood means he's dead, dipshit.

      I haven't even scratched the surface of this film, but I figure you'd get the picture anyway. This film is so all-around bad in every single aspect (acting, writing, directing, editing, cinematography, even the caterers probably fucked up somewhere too) you have to witness it. In fact, this needs to be shown in every film and writing course across America on what not to do. Unfortunately, Netflix doesn't have it in instant queue. However, if you go to Family Video, walk up to the entrance, then take a right at the entrance, walk around the building, then walk right up to the dumpster, you may find the remaining copies there. Plus, they might take pity on you so much they go, "Yeah, this one's on us."