Bullet to the Head

Cast of Characters:
Jimmy Bobo - Sylvester Stallone
Detective Taylor Kwon - Sung Kang
Lisa Bobo - Sarah Shahi
Robert Nkomo Morel - Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje
Marcus Baptiste - Christian Slater
Keegan - Jason Momoa

Director - Walter Hill
Screenplay - Alessandro Camon
Rated R for strong violence, bloody images, language, some nudity and brief drug use

      From the First Blood series to Cobra to Cliffhanger to today’s The Expendables, Sylvester Stallone has been one of the most in-demand action stars of the big screen.  Even today, at the ripe, old age of ninety-eight, he’s still going all-out as a punching bag for the bad guys, taking names and kicking ass in the not quite subtly titled Bullet to the Head... Okay, he’s not ninety-eight, but is sixty-six really that far off?

      Down in New Orleans, Jimmy Bobo (Sylvester Stallone) is an assassin for hire. Along with his partner, Jimmy kills a corrupt cop which sets him in a “me against the world” showdown as every corrupt cop, politician, businessman, and basically anyone that scowls with pure, menacing evil in the movie will want a piece of him. This results in Bobo's partner getting killed, and they're definitely not stopping there. Meanwhile, Detective Taylor Kwon (Sung Kang) arrives in The Big Easy to investigate Bobo on the death of the cop, and wouldn’t you know it, he ends up finding out more than he should, pinning him as a target for the villains. So what do you do when you end up as a human bullseye? Well, naturally, you team up with Bobo - another human bullseye. Being that he’s a cop, Detective Kwon is appalled by Bobo’s extremely knee-jerk trigger finger and his apparent “whatever” attitude about it. Being that he’s an assassin, Bobo doesn’t really give a rat’s ass what Kwon thinks.

      After Kwon’s shot, Bobo introduces him to his obligatory, attractive daughter Lisa (Sarah Shahi) - a tattoo artist that can somehow magically perform surgical acts of properly removing bullets. Her character hints at the possibility of one of three things to come - 1) At some point, Kwon will “accidentally” walk in on her undressed, he’ll slowly but surely become attracted to her, and by the end of the movie, they’re an item. 2) She’ll be kidnapped by the bad guys, and 3) Hey, imagine that. Both happen.

      We’re also introduced to the myriad of villains involved in the story. You have the corrupt real estate developer Robert Nkomo Morel (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), his corrupt lawyer Marcus Baptiste (Christian Slater), and the obligatory hulking mercenary Keegan (Jason Momoa) who may not be corrupt, per se... but he still looks like a douche anyway, so you don’t like him regardless. When they begin to realize both Bobo and Kwon are trying to thwart their plans of demolishing ghetto communities to make way for condominiums (And isn't that what all rich villains seemingly want to do?), they, in a surprising twist that no one could ever see coming, kidnap Bobo’s daughter, and why? Because without the kidnapping we won’t get to see the big showdown between Bobo and Keegan.

      I’m not quite sure why I spent three paragraphs telling you the plot when I could’ve just summed everything up in one sentence. Stallone, along with a whiny cop, open up a can of whoop ass on a bunch of bad guys. That’s essentially all that should happen, yet somehow a convoluted plot manages to sneak its way in around the middle of the film. Stallone has a few decent one liners here and there, but for the most part, he just mumbles through his lines in that familiar deep grunt voice of his. There’s really nothing for Sarah Shahi to do here other than be a plot contrivance. Jason Momoa isn’t intimidating in the slightest as the villain. If anything, he more resembles that smug, douchy, pony-tailed, prick of a boyfriend you hope and pray to God your daughter never brings home for dinner than a credible villain. What I’m trying to say is, he gave a terrible performance. As for Sung Kang - playing the Danny Glover (Lethal Weapon)/Nick Nolte (48 Hrs.) straight man - he’s completely miscast. I’m not quite sure as to why the hell I even care at this point about whether or not someone’s miscast in this movie, but he just does not click at all with Stallone, and for being a cop, he’s quite the pushover. Both Glover and Nolte's characters worked, firstly, ‘cause they’re great actors, and secondly, their chemistry together with the animated Mel Gibson and Eddie Murphy respectively was brilliant. Really, the only interesting character in the entire film is Christian Slater. He provides a unique take on the typical “You’ll get nothing out of me!” character, and there is a comical interrogation scene that does work. I was kinda wishing instead of the typical hulk-like Momoa smirking his way through the movie, why not make Slater’s greedy little lawyer the central villain? It would’ve posed an intriguing contrast between his character and Stallone’s, but then again, who the hell comes to a movie like this to see intriguing contrasts? The viewers just wanna see Stallone punch faces into a bloody mess 'cause he's a bad ass. The Saliva hit "Badass" blasting through the film's TV spot sorta hints at that. All things considered, I do credit director Walter Hill (who coincidentally directed 48 Hrs. along with the terrific cult-hit The Warriors) and writer Alessandro Camon for not taking the material too seriously like a lot of similar movies tend to do, but overall the efforts of both them and Slater are far too little to save this film.

      Let me just say Stallone is very well capable of making a great movie. The first two Rocky pictures (the first especially being a top fifty movie all-time for me), along with the more recent Rocky Balboa, and Cop Land showed Stallone is capable of taking on great story driven material. Action flicks such as the first two First Blood films, Cliffhanger, and The Expendables along with its sequel prove Stallone can make action films that are both exciting, entertaining and more importantly self-aware of its purpose. Any of those previously mentioned Stallone flicks are highly recommended by me. If you’re in the mood to see a great buddy-cop action flick, which this film tries to be, check out either 48 Hrs. or the Lethal Weapon series... but avoid this. I give Bullet to the Head a D+ (★½).