Safe Haven

Cast of Characters:
Alex Wheatley - Josh Duhamel
Katie - Julianne Hough
Jo - Cobie Smulders
Kevin Tierney - David Lyons

Director - Lasse Hallstrom
Screenplay - Gage Lansky & Dana Stevens
Based on the novel “Safe Haven” by Nicholas Sparks
Rated PG-13 for thematic material involving threatening behavior, violence, and sexuality

      Nicholas Sparks has earned his bread and butter throughout the years by penning novels such as “A Walk to Remember”, “The Notebook”, “Dear John” and the “The Last Song”. Here with Safe Haven, the most recent film adaptation of Sparks, you’re guaranteed to witness at least three occurrences: one main character will be mourning the loss of a loved one, one main character will be faced with great peril, and of course, we’ll get that obligatory scene with both characters stranded in the rain as they stare deep into each other’s eyes and smile. What is it with chick flicks and rain? I once had a girlfriend too, and we were stuck out in the rain at one point. Know what I felt? Cold, wet, soggy, and anticipating the toe blisters I’d be getting from my soaked socks.

      Yep, rain is apparently one hell of an aphrodisiac. The story opens with Katie (Julianne Hough), a Boston native, who leaves for a nice and quaint small town in North Carolina - that would make Pleasantville look like Sin City - where everyone smiles and greets her with open arms... and I mean everyone. One character is even elated that she shows up at his store a second time. I knew the economy was bad, but is it really that bad? Katie manages to land on her feet almost instantly for the sake of time restraints, getting a job at a local fish house and purchasing a cabin in the woods within no time. She also strikes up friendships with Jo (Cobie Smulders), a woman Katie meets that seems to show up whenever it’s most convenient for Katie, and Alex Wheatley (Josh Duhamel), a widowed father of two who’s widowed because... well, it’s a Nicholas Sparks novel.

      Of course, like I mentioned in the first paragraph, one of the characters may or may not be faced with great peril. That peril happens to come in the form of a detective named Kevin Tierney (David Lyons). Tierney is trying to track down Katie for reasons that are vaguely explained in the beginning of the film, and when I say vaguely explained, I mean until we get that “big reveal” at the film’s climax.

      I remember when I first saw The Notebook. I had rather low expectations, but I was just getting into Ryan Gosling as an actor at the time. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but Safe Haven makes The Notebook look like Citizen Kane. It’s not the fault of the performers. Julianne Hough is, of course, a very attractive presence onscreen, and both she and Duhamel have some chemistry together. David Lyons is solid as well as the detective obsessed with finding Katie. I blame the writing here, because for ninety-five percent of the movie I thought this is cornball fluff and sentimentally sappy enough to suffocate me to death with all the cuteness they were trying to ram down my throat, but it’s what you’d expect at least... Then that ending showed up, and I’m not talking about the big reveal I previously mentioned here ‘cause that had some credibility to it story-wise. I’m talking about the very end which goes beyond roll your eyes at the screen. The ending is so jaws to the floor preposterous even M. Night Shyamalan would say, “What the hell was that?” after witnessing it. I actually felt good, no ecstatic to be single, ‘cause if I got dragged into seeing this by my girlfriend, like the number of guys who I’m sure did, I’d dump her not the next day, not while driving her home, not while leaving the theater, but while witnessing the end credits. Is the ending that bad? Yes, it is. It’s unnecessary, makes you question the female lead’s sanity, and, well, for God’s sakes just take my word for it. It’s bad. I'm almost tempted to recommend you see this hour and a half's worth of sugar coated filming sweet enough to knock your ass out into a diabetic coma just to see how bad that final twist is. One more criticism, what the hell is with all Sparks film adaptations being the same damn poster of the two lovestruck leads gazing into each other's eyes with the sun setting from a distance? Seriously, look up the other film adaptations. You'll see what I mean.

      I'm sure there are a legion of girls out there now sharpening their nine inch nails, prepared to crucify me to death, screaming, “Well, you’re a typical guy, so of course you hate romantic movies.” Forrest Gump, The English Patient, As Good As it Gets, Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, It's a Wonderful Life, Jerry Maguire, hell, even Edward Scissorhands has more heart than this. Would you like me to continue? No, I clearly don’t hate romantic movies. I hate poorly written ones, yet, nevertheless, this movie still probably made millions of undeserved dollars at the box office just on Valentine's Day alone, meaning - Hallelujah, we're getting more Nicholas Sparks film adaptations. You know you have a bad movie when one ending can derail the entire film, and this, my friends, is a bad movie. Hey, someone's gotta take the fall when Worst of 2013 comes around. I give Safe Haven a D- (½★).

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