What the Hell Were They Thinking?!

      Hello, readers. There will be quite a bit for you this week. I have a new series prepared on the 50 greatest movies of all-time, but first it's time for "What the Hell Were They Thinking?!" This week's pick was a bit difficult to pick out. I kinda got distracted by the Season 8 premiere of Dexter, but at the last minute I thought of this film. It's been a long time since I saw this particular movie, but one thing I do remember is that it is truly one of the most unintentionally funny films of the past ten years.

      Bear with me. The plot gets complicated. When Ethan Kendrick was a child, he was charged by Jack (Robert Forster) to protect the Yeouiji, an individual born with the power to change an Imoogi into a Celestial Dragon. Now what is an Imoogi, you ask? Well, to be honest, who really gives a shit? For the sake of this post, however, it's a dragon, and there are both Good and Bad Imoogis. Now grown up, Kendrick (Jason Behr) is a television news anchor. He meets Sarah Daniels (Amanda Brooks), who is soon revealed to be the Yahtzee or whatever the hell it's called. Little do they both know that a Bad Imoogi disguised as warrior known as Buraki enters the scene and that's when the shit hits the fan. See, he needs Sarah 'cause you know she has the power to change Imoogis... duh. So Buraki sends in his Artox Army consisting of humanoid fighters as well as creatures such as Shaconnes, Bulcos and Dawdlers... Yeah, those. Seems a little bit overkill just for one girl, don't you think? Buraki captures Sarah, but then the Good Imoogi attacks him and there's a big Imoogi on Imoogi fight. You getting all this? 'Cause I kinda forgot exactly what the fuck I was talking about.

      Look. I'm all for films featuring weird and bizarre creatures. The Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia are two series that I love. Unlike this film, those two series - based on the books which I love even more - are filled with extremely captivating characters and massive amounts of allegory. Dragon Wars: D-War is so preposterously bad, it probably requires copious amounts of drugs to enjoy. In fact, I think writer Shim Hyung-rae was high on copious amounts of drugs. At least that's his only rational excuse in explaining how ludicrous this story is. This maybe - and I'm kinda being generous here - could've passed as a comedy. Then again, the fact that it takes itself so seriously actually makes it funnier. It even poses thought provoking questions such as "What the hell are comic Craig Robinson and Academy Award nominee Robert Forster doing in this film?" The budget was only $32 million (fairly cheap for a "special effects blockbuster" - once again, being generous), so I can't imagine they got paid all the gold in Fort Knox for this. At the same time, I doubt if I watched a behind the scenes featurette I'd see either of them go, "You know, I read the script, and I was like, this film is so chock full of rich mythology and symbolism. I'd really be a fool not to take part in this. In fact, this is way better than anything Tarantino or Apatow could've ever written." You may get lucky and catch this during the late night hours on Syfy Channel. You may even find it at Family Video or your nearest Redbox under the "For God's sakes, just take it" section.