So once upon a time in the town of Darkness Falls there lived a widow named Matilda Dixon. Matilda was beloved by all of the town's children and whenever one of the little ones would lose a tooth, Matilda would give them gifts and gold coins in exchange for the tooth. This is what earned her the nickname "Tooth Fairy". I'd get a dollar for every tooth of mine. Adjust it all for inflation and... well, it's bull shit. So her house burns down one day and she's left with a disfigured face and an extreme sensitivity to light, which means she's gotta wear a porcelain mask and only go out at night. Soon afterward two kids go missing, and in a rather calm, subdued and perfectly rational response, the townspeople drag Matilda out, rip off her face mask and expose her to the light, causing her to die. She naturally swears her vengeance on the town... and the average moviegoer. Flash forward to present day, and the town of Darkness Falls is still cluttered with a number of grown adults plagued with an unnatural fear of the dark. The Tooth Fairy still hasn't stopped terrorizing the town, but they soon realize that if you stay in the light the Tooth Fairy cannot harm you. Who knew the solution to defeating evil came down to something as simple as flicking on a light switch?
When I first saw this film in the theaters, I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't get it. Stay in the light, problem solved. How the hell does the movie last longer than an hour an a half? Maybe the town as a whole is trying to be more energy efficient? I mean, why bother fighting with a strong will to survive against a bellowing she-bitch banshee when you can "go green or go home" instead? What I didn't get even more is how my friend that was with me at the time was nearly convulsing into a fearful tirade of speaking in tongues while watching this. Then I watched this again when it was on TV and that's when it became so clear, clear as day even. This film is a piece of shit. You know how there are certain horror films that look good on paper, they're just not executed well? In hindsight, I look back at my high school self and wonder what the hell was I looking forward to with this? It's not even good on paper. A shrieking tooth fairy with an extremely bad case of sunburn seeks revenge on yet another group of quaint townsfolk constantly being reminded to "Stay in the light!" by the main character. That naive, young man clearly has never seen Poltergeist. If anything, this is essentially a hour plus long commercial for Philips and General Electric light bulbs. Throw the cranky bitch some SPF 40. That's all she probably wants. End of story. Try looking this one up on Netflix instant queue. At the very least, you'll be guaranteed a plethora of unintentional laughs. By the way, for the record, that friend I mentioned thought The Ring sucked and this film was awesome.
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