Sharktopus aka... yeah, I got nothing. Sharktopus centers on this creature, created by Dr. Nathan Sands (Eric Roberts) through the Navy, that's part Shark and part Octopus. I don't know of too many Octopi that actually come equipped with razor sharp knives at the end of their arms though. Is there a reason for them? Well, who gives a shit? Designed at first to be a "super weapon" for the military, the Sharktopus, or S-11 as it's called, goes rogue after the device that controls it is damaged during an impromptu demonstration. That means a lot of people are gonna die at the hands of an extremely poor visual effect, but not before putting their skills at horrible overacting on display for us.
If only I could've sat through the pitch for this at Syfy headquarters. I wonder if it went something like this. "Okay, what do you think of this? It's half Shark and half Octopus with knives." "Hmm... It seems promising..." "Wait! It gets better! So this creature is like created by this scientist through the military, but then it breaks free and then kills a lot of people." "Oooh! Now we're talking. It's like all that science stuff will legitimize this film. Make it almost as good as Jaws... Can we have lots of scantily clad girls in bikinis run around beaches too?" "I personally wouldn't see it any other way... and then we can kill them." " Yes. Yes. Yes! I love it! Who can get we get to star in it?" "Well, I posted up a casting call ad at the Dollar General down the street." "Well, you do know, per the Syfy Channel bylaws, we have to have at least one actor from the 80's whose career has gotten to the point they'll star in anything." "How 'bout Eric Roberts? He's an Academy Award nominee." "Hell, yes! I love it! Love it! That gives us the Oscar pedigree no one ever gives us the much deserved credit for. We can plaster 'Starring Academy Award nominee Eric Roberts' all over the poster!" "Wait. Wait a minute. Just wait... What do you think of this? 'Starring Academy Award winner Julia Roberts's brother, Academy Award nominee Eric Roberts'." "That... is... EPIC!!!! Here's a shit ton of money I was just gonna set on fire in the trash can anyway. Make this happen!" "Will do!" "Keep in mind most of that money is for Mr. Roberts. That leaves you about $2.24 for the special effects budget." "Isn't that normally what we run for a special effects budget?" "You know, I think we got something special here. If people don't take us seriously as a legitimate film business following this... I'm gonna take a gun... and then I'm gonna blow my brains out." "As will I... As will I." Yeah, that seems about right. The horrible acting (and I mean so horrible it'll make you grind your teeth into dust) and the very, very, very, very bad CGI job on the Sharktopus creature are enough to merit this a watch. Just go to that $5 bargain bin you see at Wal-Mart... and then take a left and look in the trash can next to it. You'll probably find a ton of copies there.
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