Dracula 3D

Cast of Characters:

Dracula - Thomas Kretschmann

Mina Harker - Marta Gastini

Lucy Kisslinger - Asia Argento

Jonathan Harker - Unax Ugalde

Tania - Miriam Giovanelli

Abraham Van Helsing - Rutger Hauer

Director - Dario Argento

Screenplay - Dario Argento, Enrique Cerezo, Stefano Piani & Antonio Tentori

Based on the novel Dracula by Bram Stoker

Not Rated

 

      Thomas Kretschmann, Marta Gastini, Asia Argento and Rutger Hauer star in famed horror director Dario Argento's take on the Bram Stoker classic Dracula 3D.

      Jonathan Harker (Unaz Ugalde), a young librarian, arrives at the village hired by Count Dracula (Thomas Kretschmann), a nobleman from the area. The following night, Tania (Miriam Giovanelli), a local girl bitten and turned by Dracula, tries again to bite Harker, but is stopped by Dracula who gets the upper hand and bites Harker himself. Harker awakes the following day, weakened but still conscious, and attempts to escape; however, as soon as he is outside he is attacked by a large wolf. 

 

      Meanwhile, Mina Harker (Marta Gastini), Jonathan's wife, arrives in the village and is guest for a few days at the home of her dearest friend Lucy Kisslinger (Asia Argento). Concerned on the whereabouts of her husband, Mina visits the count's castle only to find herself distracted by his luring power. Later, she comes home to find that her friend Lucy has been turned by Dracula. To bring an end to this madness, Mina calls upon the help of vampire hunter Abraham Van Helsing (Rutger Hauer).

      Dario Argento is, without a doubt, Italy's version of George A. Romero and John Carpenter. Throughout the 70's and 80's Argento, with his unique visual style, has made acclaimed hit after hit within the thriller-horror genre, his best being Suspiria in 1977. Unfortunately, his later works haven't quite reached the acclaim that he has been used to. In fact, since the mid-90's his films slowly have been on a decline in quality. You'd think getting your hands on a film about the king of all monsters, both literary and cinematic, would be a step in the right direction for Argento. After all, directors such as Robert Rodriguez, John Carpenter and Wes Craven have tackled the vampire genre, some successful, some not (Dracula being Judas, Craven... really?). Well, it's once again unfortunate that this is anything but a step in the right direction for Argento. Despite having characters from Bram Stoker's novel, this isn't even remotely like the literary classic. That can be forgiven though - although killing off one of the main protagonists, Jonathan Harker, early on is a horrible idea - if the film is done right. Just look at 1931's Dracula with Bela Legosi. However, this film is such a misfire I almost started to weep for Argento. The acting is as stale as Play-Dough left out of the container for a week. Kretschmann has given fine supporting work before in films such as The Pianist, King Kong (the Peter Jackson remake) and in another vampire film Blade II, but saying he tries too hard here is an understatement. I thought halfway through the film when Rutger Hauer shows up that maybe he can salvage this film in some way, but even he can't save this film. Granted, Hauer's been known for being hit or miss, but when he's on his game, he's great. He's not here. The special effects are garbage, the set pieces look cheap and for a director who has been lauded for his visual style, this film as a whole just comes off looking like a cheap soft-core porn film you see on Showtime at late night. By the time Dracula shows up as a praying mantis I thought either I'm not in on the joke Argento's trying to tell, Argento's not in on the joke that he unintentionally created, or he literally thought making a six foot tall insect would be terrifying. I'm not joking either. Dracula transforms into a praying mantis... The most legendary of all creatures of the night has been tragically reduced to a green, oddly shaped insect. If Dracula wasn't killed by Quincey Morris's bowie knife at the end of the novel, after witnessing this movie he probably would've just jumped on the sword himself.

      I didn't see the movie in 3D considering I don't like seeing films in 3D as I find it to be a distraction. That said, in this case, distracting me away from this abomination might've been a good thing. I'd hate to say that Argento has lost his touch for good. I hope he's got another great movie somewhere within him, but he has been on such a downhill streak you wonder if he can. One can only hope, but this film certainly won't help matters any. I give Dracula 3D a D- (½★).