What you may not know is that if you look up the Best Supporting Actor nominees for the 1991 Oscars, you'll find his name nowhere on the list. Troll 2 having absolutely nothing to do with 1986's Troll is just one of the many question marks that will be swirling around your head while watching this. Joshua Waits (Michael Stephenson) is constantly having visions of his grandfather, who warns him of monsters known as Goblins - bloodthirsty vegetarians (Who knew?) who turn people into human/plant hybrids. Joshua's family, father Michael (George Hardy) - who looks like a poor man's Aaron Eckhart with an 80's era hairdo - mother Diane (Margo Prey) and sister Holly (Connie McFarland), plan on house swapping with a family that lives in Nilbog (How clever!). Why exactly are they house swapping? I don't know, but I'm sure it makes as much sense as a film titled Troll 2 that has nothing to do with Troll 1 or the troll creature in general. The Waits family finally make it Goblin spelled backward, and Joshua can't shake that uneasy feeling he has about just how odd everything is. Papa 80's hairdo Aaron Eckhart though thinks he's just being an obnoxious kid who's ungrateful for the hospitality they've been given and, "You can't piss on hospitality! I won't allow it!!!!" Yes... that's actually a line. When those quaint and homicidal vegans running the town begin to act weirder and weirder, though, that Waits clan find out the hard way that their ungrateful little shit may have been right all this time... Even though constantly talking to a dead relative and peeing on the family dinner (Yes... that does happen) doesn't help his case any.
This film should've been found guilty of killing so many film careers before they even started. The clip I posted for you doesn't even scratch the surface. I don't even know where to begin. That "hospitality" scene I'm gonna have to show you right now 'cause me telling you about it doesn't do it a damn bit of justice.
... What the fuck? The direction is pretty much what you'd expect when you have an Italian director (Claudio Fragasso) that speaks little to no English working with American actors that speak little to no Italian. Fragasso's wife, Rosella Drudi, wrote the script based on her frustration with many of her friends becoming vegetarian, and - wow, I've heard of "you never know where or when inspiration will hit you", but what the hell? I love meat just as much as the next carnivorous human... but at what cost? This? The acting is universally bad, but of course, that's to be expected when you cast those that came expecting a part as just an extra as your leads. This predated the Internet, so a casting call through Craigslist was out of the question... but I bet that didn't stop them from posting an ad (probably written in crayon... and in Italian) at the local Goodwill or the laundromat, or they just walked into the nearest 7-11 and said, "First five people to raise their hands can be in our movie!" I particularly have to point out Deborah Reed who played Creedence (the "Drink your broth!" witch) 'cause - Holy shitty acting, Batman! - she goes beyond over-emphasis with her dialogue and delivery. It's more like E - M - P - H - A - S - I - S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your guess is as good as mine with her body language. I couldn't tell if she was overacting, suffering from a seizure, or blinking SOS in Morse Code to one of the gaffers. In all seriousness, check this movie out if you can. It may not be the Best-Worst movie ever, but it's up there. I mean, it's really high up there. For those that have Netflix, you can find it on instant queue at the moment. That's Netflix's way of showing you hospitality and you can't piss on hospitality. They won't allow it! By the way, did you know the most effective way to kill Goblins is with a double-decker bologna sandwich?
No comments:
Post a Comment